32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
