The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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