What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
this will be a night to untag.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
