After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
