i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
