cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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