Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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