I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I met the friendliest cop last night
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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