i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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