They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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