my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
