he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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