You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
