it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
