help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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