Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
