i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
