ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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