You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
a search helicopter?!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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