we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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