I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you would pick up someone in the library
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
