we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
