Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You were trust falling into bushes
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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