i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
