he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think my fart just growled at me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
