just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
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i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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