i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
