Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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