He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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