it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
3 2 1 whiskey
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
