i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize