Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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