Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
