is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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