Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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