btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
