Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
