i already hear my dad disowning me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
