Michael Bay diarrhea
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
