I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
