I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
