when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
