Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
