i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
