Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
