She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
