who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
