So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
