it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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