i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
