she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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