im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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