Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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