I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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