i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
