I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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