I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
should my penis look like a turkey
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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